STUDY BUDDY Build your own paper bestie

CAREFUL:

This project is a massive waste of time.

Lots of people have friends. Time for you to have one too!

Before you get your craft on, let’s do a quick exercise in imagination.

Visualize: what does your perfect study buddy look like? Do they have all the qualities you’ve been endlessly searching for in a friend, but without the awkwardness of real-life social interaction? No? Just me? Oh…

Let’s get crafting! I’ll build one with you. Yay, friendship :)

You will need:

  • Paper, cardboard or this issue of Girls’ Lower Mainland (or any issue of The Ubyssey)
  • Glue (duct tape is ugly, put that away)
  • Scissors
  • Fabric
  • Stuffing (‘Why would I want to make it cuddly?’ You ask too many questions. Leave me alone.)
  • Buttons/beads (the thing needs eyes)
  • A sense of humble pride
cut-out paper doll

BONUS:

Upgrade your doll bestie with some guilt-free homework excuses! Write a note your study buddy can carry around (motivational phrases are a good option). I’m going with: “Sorry, I can’t study near you. I’m emotionally drained from the amount of effort I’m putting into this friendship.” So real, right?

Need more options? Here you go:

  • “Studying is hard. But cuddling with my study buddy goes harder.”
  • “My brain is full, I need a break. Wanna cuddle?”
  • “Roses are red, who needs a degree, you’ll never be lonely as long as you have me.”
1 To the best of your abilities, draw the basic figure of your new friend (or cut out the nifty little dude we’ve provided for you on this page). Maybe you’re drawing that one classmate you’ve shared six classes and three group projects with but who still doesn’t know your name. I’ve had plenty of those! God, I wish we became friends. Maybe next term!
2 Cut out the figure. If you prefer something fluffier, cuter and closer to the touch of a real person, swing by the fabric store! But stay focused. We’re on a mission, people! We are not getting into crochet. We need stuffing… maybe some yarn for hair… Oh! Wait, look, the knitting needles are on sale! This is fun. Go wait outside, I’ll be here for a while.
3 Get out of the store. You do not need to go down the crafting rabbit hole. Trust me. One minute you’re buying stickers to heal your inner child and the next you’re covered in third-degree hot glue gun burns. Yes, I am carrying a bag full of new craft supplies. No, it’s not any of your business. They were on sale, dammit!
4 Now it’s time to glue or stitch your doll together. It might look a little bit lumpy, but don’t worry. The lumpier it is, the easier it is to pretend that it’s a real, living, breathing human with organs, bones and everything!
5 Now for the fun part: customization! Yay! Let’s add some judgmental eyebrows, and dress ‘em up with that fabric. Wait, what’s that? My study buddy looks like my TA? No! Take that back right now. Well, yours looks like your coworker!
6 Hold your study buddy close. Closer. Closer. Never let go… Never… Let… Go…
7 Okay, so maybe the whole thing looks a bit… sad. I mean, it’s definitely something, and that’s what counts. But let’s be real: it doesn’t matter! Study buddies come in all shapes and sizes. If you want a whole friend group, just make a bunch of paper dolls and pretend you’re a normal person.

DIY SLIME to match your UBC experience

! TIP: For an even better representation of your UBC experience, use a container that reminds you of UBC such as the moldy never-before-emptied recycling bin from your dorm, the crusty pizza box that has lived under your bed since October 2023 or the bucket you stood on top of in Totem Park to avoid direct contact with the communal shower floors.

Your UBC experience won’t last forever – concoct a substance that will take you back to UBC even after you graduate!

1. Carve out a 200g brick of scrambled egg from the scrambled egg tray in your first-year residence cafeteria. Extract the material from the egg slab and place in your slime container. This will be used as the base for your slime. ! WARNING: Do not consume the brick of scrambled egg or anything from a first year cafeteria. Or do. Just don’t blame GLM for the suffering.

2. Hike to Wreck Beach between 12 a.m. to 4 a.m. Identify the location of an illegal bonfire in the area. Gently mourn your lack of invitation to such events. Sob until dawn. Collect any tears in your slime container. Next, brush a tablespoon of ash from the illegal bonfire at Wreck Beach into your slime.

3. Stroll campus. Continue until your socks are heavy with Vancouver rain. (Tip: don footwear in an advanced state of deterioration for more efficient soaking.) Next, remove your socks and squeeze the Vancouver rain from your wet socks into your slime container until the socks are dry or you’ve lost consciousness from the stress of it all.

4. Find a residence laundry room. Fill your slime container with a cup of the stagnant detergent water from one of the several broken machines. (Optional: place your clothes in one of the working machines and do not come back until a couple hours or days after the cycle is set to finish. Upon your return, mix the resulting angry note left with your clothes into your slime container.)

5. Sign up for a course in mathematics. Do not attend lectures. Diligently leave all WebWorks incomplete. Carefully fail each midterm and the final. Print out your final grade. Again, collect any tears in your slime container. Then, shred the papers. Finally, shake the shredded remains of your transcript into your slime container. This will encourage your slime to have low self-esteem.

6. Purchase three dozen caffeinated drinks from Blue Chip. Filter the stimulant out of the drinks (no, we don’t know how, just look it up). This should be enough caffeine to put an adult elephant into shock and maybe even to survive a night of studying. Pour into your slime container.

7. Head to the Rose Garden. Glower at any happy couples. Consider the state of your life and prospects for the future. For the last time, collect any tears in your slime container.

8. Combine and stir the substances in your slime container until the mixture is visibly sleep-deprived and overcome with nihilistic detachment.

9. Add glitter.

10. Enjoy the memories!