BOOOOOO! It’s special edition, super spooky Halloween Ask Natalie!
“Dear Natalie, What should I be for Halloween?”
You want a hilarious, topical, super scary costume? So, 10/10 the scariest thing right now — Donald Trump. Before you dismiss the idea, think about it — all you need is a really bad wig, a really bad suit, a really bad Trump impersonation and a terrible idea for the future of America! It’s like super easy! If you’re a lady, it’s even easier because everyone knows just how close Donald’s willing to get to a woman — even without her consent! It’s so funny!
I’m terrified for America and it’s all I can think about.
“Will it be offensive if —”
I’m going to stop you right now. If you have to ask, it’s a yes.
“Yo Natalie,
Is it too soon to dress up as Harambe for Halloween? #dicksoutforharambe”
Man, you know it’s always going to be too soon. #RIPHarambe”
“What are some kinda cool, very alcoholic drinks I can have at my Halloween party? DRANK.”
Bloody Marys. Used with the actual blood of people named Mary.
Just get a whole bunch of those plastic eyes from the dollar store, wash them and throw them in your drinks. Make some kind of blue or green drink and add some gummy worms to it. Get a medical glove and fill it with water, freeze it and use it as ice in your vodka punch. Get some of those medicine syringes — without needles of course — and use them for shots!
I kind of want to go to your party now.
“Dear Natalie,
I’m a plus-one to my friend’s friend house part for Halloween. Will it be awkward?”
Let me tell you a story. One scary Halloween night, I got on a bus headed to North Vancouver for a party at my friend’s friend. It took me over an hour to find the right house. And I say right house, but I mean the wrong address that she gave. It took me another hour to walk to the actual party. So what I’m saying is it will be really fun once you’re there and not wandering outside a random house while your drunk friend tries to give you directions.
Just chat with people and since everyone is wearing a costume, you have an instant conversation starter.
There’s also surprisingly few buses coming back from the North Shore at 3 a.m., so prepare for at least two to three hours on a bus.
“Dear Natalie,
Are couple costumes lame?”
If they are good costumes and totally recognizable, you’re set. If it only makes sense when you’re together, you might have to explain to five “glitter fairies” in line for the washroom at Starbucks who Linda from Bob’s Burgers is. As a minimum though, at least you have someone else to blame if the costume doesn’t win a prize in the contest.
Need advice? Contact Natalie anonymously at asknatalie@ubyssey.ca or at ubyssey.ca/advice and have your questions answered!
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