“Dear Natalie,
I'm falling for a good friend of mine who is gay. But I'm female and not exactly his cup of tea. I value his friendship, but at the same time, my feelings are something I can't deny. If I ever had to choose, I would choose him as a friend over anything, but I honestly don't know how to deal with these feelings. What should I do? Ignore the feelings in the hope they go away, talk to him (and be obviously rejected) or slowly distance myself from him in general?
Signed, Not your cup of tea”
Take a big ol’ break from this friendship. Take a big ol’ step back. This sucks. No, I mean it — this really sucks. At least you know it's nothing to do with you. It's like the one case where, “It's not you, it's me,” is obviously true.
Give yourself time away from the friendship. You don't have to cut him off completely yet if you still can deal with your feelings. If you want, you can have an open conversation about them with your friend, but you can't expect him to feel the same. You have to respect people's sexualities and sexual preferences — which you seem to be doing, so 10/10 on that front.
Make yourself go out with other people. Be social and happy. Let your feelings come and then let them go. Once you know you've either come to peace with your feelings or moved on, you'll be free to hang out without wanting to make out.
Friendship with this guy is possible — it's just going to be a little sad for you right now.
“Dear Natalie,
I'm a first-year and I haven't made any friends. My classes are too big, my roommates aren't really my type and nothing I seem to do makes me friends. I'm tired and I want to go home.”
You're homesick and that's completely normal. It's hard being away from your friends and family who were happy to support you. You're with new people in a new environment and you're a little disoriented. That's fine.
In my very first class at UBC, I was in ANTH 100, which was a huge lecture. I sat down next to a girl and tried to start a conversation with her. Apparently, she was a fifth-year science student trying to get her arts credit done and wanted nothing to do with the nervous overly friendly freshman next to her.
I was bummed.
But I did make friends. Sure, it took a while for people in my dorms to figure out who they wanted to hang out with and it took until second term to feel like I was actually part of a community — but it did happen.
And it will happen to you too.
Even though Clubs Days are over, it's not too late to find the community you're looking for in a club if you can't find it in a residence. The Ubyssey always has open arms — and usually an open kitchen — but the majority of other clubs have an active social scene.
Stick out the rest of the year. Try, and I mean really try. Don't just sit in your room alone and be upset that no one's talking to you. Make an effort and if you still hate it here by the end of the year, maybe you can transfer to a university closer to your hometown.
Four years is a long time to not have any friends.
Need advice? Contact Natalie anonymously at asknatalie@ubyssey.ca or at ubyssey.ca/advice and have your questions answered!
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