“Dear Natalie,
I have this friend — well she's not really my friend, more like a person my friends are friends with so I see her a lot — but she's really rude to me. It's only when we're alone or when other people can't hear, so none of my other friends notice. I'm afraid to bring it up because what if they side with her and I lose all my friends? They've known her longer and I'm only closer to two of them compared to her. I'm getting tired of her snide comments and I'm worried I'm going to snap and start yelling at her sometime, and everyone will think I'm the rude one. What do I do?”
Okay, your first step is to talk to the two friends you're closest with. Be honest and bring examples. When they start making excuses for her, which they will (don't take it personally — they're just trying not to rock the boat), bring them up and ask how they would feel if you were saying those things to them.
If they are any good, they'll start keeping an eye on her, maybe even making sure you never have to be alone with her and they'll notice when she says something.
Next, you should talk to her if you haven't already. Say, “Hey I don't know what your deal is, but why are you so rude to me?” She'll probably make excuses too, but something will happen. Either she'll realize that how she's been acting is not great and try to cut it out, or she'll double down on the comments.
If she does this, start publicly calling her out. Be calm and she'll be the one who will look bad. Say things like, “That's incredibly rude. Why would you say that?” and “Okay [friend], this is the third time you've [insert bad thing here] to me. So what's your problem?” loud enough that other people will hear.
Sure you'll be rocking the boat, but if you don't, you'll be in the water soon anyway.
If it continues and your friends don't say anything, bail on them all. If they can't back you up against something as simple as a mean girl, they don't have your back at all.
University is a beautiful time to make friends — find some good ones.
“What does it mean when he asks for a break?”
It means he wants all the benefits of a break-up without any of the consequences of a break-up.
“When a potential relationship fizzles out, I always take it hard, even after one date. Why?”
Because you think that the ideal life you should be leading includes a romantic partner instead of a happy, healthy you.
A romantic relationship doesn't make someone happy and being single doesn't mean they're incomplete.
“Two of my co-workers just started a relationship and it's PDA 24/7. It's annoying, but we don't want to crush their new relationship with our cold hearts. Help?”
Ah, can there be a new a budding relationship without huge amounts of PDA? Yes. Tell them to check their relationship at the door.
It's not your cold heart that makes it uncomfortable for you — it's your eyes. Tell whichever one you're closest with to cool it, but mention that you all support their tonsil hockey off-ice. Maybe not those words, but the sentiment should be the same.
“Midterms!! :(“
I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm in my happy place. I'm in Paris. Exams are just big jokes being played on us. La la la la, midterms aren't a thing. I'm not going to cry during finals.
Work hard and you shall have success. Or at least pass the class! D's do get us degrees, even if they don't get the approval of our parents.
Also, where's that fall reading break we've been talking about for years? I'm looking at you, Ava.
Need advice? Contact Natalie anonymously at asknatalie@ubyssey.ca or at ubyssey.ca/advice and have your questions answered!
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