Remember when you got super drunk on your first night of uni and you were walking back to your residence and you pulled out a bag of onion bulbs and said “hey wouldn’t it be crazy if I just, like, planted these things here in the middle of Main Mall?” and your new first-year friends said “Don’t even joke about that man, like, we can’t afford to get busted on our first night,” but you went and did it anyways and then found out that literally every first-year does this and felt a little less badass?
Well those babies rooted and mother nature turned your little “agricultural social experiment” into the best onion yield this campus has seen in ten years!
The annual harvest can be a great time to make new friends who also enjoy drunk hobby farming and discuss all the other funny things you’ve planted before. Some of the smaller clubs on campus will even be hosting caramel-covered onion-cooking seminars as people dig!
WARNING! During the annual harvest, it is extremely common for people to sell some of their onion yield as viable bulbs for the next growing season. While this is completely acceptable behavior, a large number of scammers on Facebook have been identified and are known to be selling horseradish in place of real onions. UBC is a strict “horseradish-free campus” and will not tolerate any students planting these disgusting “culinary pieces of shit” anywhere on campus grounds.
Happy harvesting!
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