Now that you’ve gotten the 14th out of the way and can lower your expectations (and take advantage of discounted grocery store chocolate), why not spice up your relationship/solo fantasies/political science tutorial section with some hot roleplay ideas? Show your school pride by bringing the classroom…into the bedroom.
We don’t know what you freaks are into, so we’ve assembled a selection of roleplay scene prompts to make your sex life a little bit worse for your roommates to overhear.
Clock tower repair guy and the clock tower
Partner A: the top construction worker in the biz. Partner B: the UBC clock tower — beloved, erect and slightly ahead of schedule (it’s cool, it happens to the best of us).
Arts Career Advising telling you that you’re unemployable (except for OnlyFans, maybe)
You’ve been trawling LinkedIn for months for internships in your field (freelance vibe-check consultant). After many rejections, you turn, dejected, to UBC’s career advising services. After several weeks of waiting for your appointment, you nervously lay out their resume for your bae (in character as a hot irresponsible career adviser). Your “adviser” flirtily breaks the news: “You have no marketable skills.”
You admit that you’ve been making better income from selling feet pics than from anything your job search has turned up. Your counsellor’s interest is… piqued. I’ll let you take it from there.
Sin-vigilation
Experts say that kinks often emerge when people cope with their fears by eroticizing them. So at UBC, it stands to reason that some of you might secretly be a little bit horny for proctored exams.
From online finals under the leering eye of invigilation software Proctorio, to underpaid TAs overseeing packed finals during the December Omicron surge, there’s a lot to fear… and, potentially, a lot to fantasize about.
Midterms are approaching, so why not process your complex feelings about UBC’s problematic testing policies with some sexy roleplay? If you think about it, surveillance is basically the same as voyeurism, which some people are into!
The breakout room
To some, apparently, consensual humiliation can be a real turn-on. We at The Ubyssey can’t think of anything more humiliating than being the only one unmuted and on camera in a dark, silent breakout room. Try spicing up your FaceTime sesh with your long-distance partner by taking cues from the slackers in your group project: mute yourself and turn off your camera.
Questions will run through your boo’s mind: Where’d you go? What are you wearing? Is it…nothing? Are you even there on the other end of the line? They don’t know! These sexy mysteries will drive them wild. It’s like they’re blindfolded (kinky), except they can still see their own face in the corner of the FT window, and also the pile of dirty laundry at the end of their bed. Is that hot? You tell us!
The ol’ three-legged coyote
Time to acknowledge the elephant (or critter of your choice) in the room: UBC’s furry roleplay enthusiasts. The choice for a UBC fursona is clear: Kip, campus’ resident coyote. Partner A can roleplay as Kip, while Partner B assumes the role of a seductive Applied Animal Biology seventh year who smuggles them into their dorm room to finally take a look at that injured paw.
To be clear, The Ubyssey does not endorse bestiality – just playful roleplay between consenting adults. You could also both be coyotes, or one of you could be a campus raccoon, or whatever. Go wild.
The Dingbat is The Ubyssey’s humour section. You can send pitches or completed pieces to blog@ubyssey.ca.
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