How to celebrate St. Patrick's Day like a stereotypical college student

Saturday is Saint Patrick’s Day, a cultural and religious Irish holiday that commemorates the life of Saint Patrick — a missionary who brought Christianity to Ireland in the fifth century — and celebrates Irish heritage in general. While the holiday originated as an Irish feast day, people all around the world celebrate it in faux-Irish bars and wearing a lot of green clothing with pints of Guinness in hand. To celebrate this holiday in style, here are some tips specifically tailored to the university lifestyle.

Make yourself so green everyone around you feels uncomfortable

On Saint Patrick’s Day, it’s all about the colour green. Never mind that white and orange are also on the Irish flag — green is all that matters today. Green clothes are naturally a good way to start, but don’t stop there. Make your face green. And your arms. And your hair. Heck, you may as well paint the entire upper half of your body green while you’re at it.

The point here is not to create an accurate depiction of Irishness, but to be so green you make everyone really uncomfortable.

Order a shamrock shake from McDonalds and pour vodka into it

McDonald’s isn’t an Irish company, nor do the ingredients of a shamrock shake have any connection to Ireland. And yet, shamrock shakes have become a delicious and iconic Saint Patrick’s Day staple.

Because you’re in university and also because the holiday falls on a Saturday, sneak some vodka into the shake to give it a stronger kick.

Brag about being one-eighth Irish

Here in North America, many people aren’t entirely from one ethnic background. In fact, many people are from so many ethnic backgrounds that it’s hard for one person to summarize their identity in a few words. But if you’ve got that one distant great-grandparent from Ireland that you know nothing about, today’s the day to own it.

Get in touch with your roots and loudly bring up your Irishness to your friends that you're one-eight Irish. If they respond with something like, “But I thought you said you were French back on Bastille Day?” just awkwardly laugh because you’ve been busted and you’ve got nothing better to say.

Listen to some authentic Irish music

Think fast: how many musicians do you know from Ireland? There are many good answers to that question — the Cranberries, Van Morrison, My Bloody Valentine, the Pogues, Sinead O’Connor, Enya — but you’re in Canada right now, and Canada loves no musician more than Ed Sheeran. So at your Saint Patrick’s Day party, it is downright inevitable that Galway Girl will dominate the aux cord. But hey, it could be worse — at least it’s not U2.

Refer to it as "St. Patty’s Day” to an Irish person and then discover that you’re not supposed to spell it like that

In fact, there’s even a website dedicated to it. According to Paddy, Not Patty, the term “Paddy is derived from the Irish, Pádraig,” while “Patty is the diminutive of Patricia, or a burger, and just not something you call a fella.”

As they put it simply, “there isn’t a sinner in Ireland that would refer to a Patrick as ‘Patty.’ ” However, you’re not in Ireland, so feel free to spell it like “Patty” to your one Irish friend and see how it goes. If they get angry, at least it’s a conversation starter!

Casually make passive aggressive comments about Margaret Thatcher

Drink green beer

It’s beer, but it’s green! See point number one on why this is so important.

Share this article copied!