It’s that time of year known as “Oscar season,” when cinephiles like myself flock to the theatres to catch the best movies of the year. But you don’t have to be a film-lover to tune in — a simple “who’s who” and “what’s what” should be enough to be in on the joke.
Personally, I’m able to sit through it and laugh at the predictable clichés presented throughout the show. For those who find it insufferable yet still have some indescribable need to watch, this list is for you.
Drink every time:
- Someone kisses Meryl Streep’s ass
- Steven Spielberg is thanked for the 43rd time (not an exaggeration, look it up)
- Someone thanks their mom
- Someone FORGETS to thank their mom
- The host makes a cringeworthy joke that makes you want to crawl under your bed
- You can’t tell if that’s Amy Adams or Isla Fisher
- Your mom says, “It’s that guy from that one movie!”
- A tear falls during the “In Memoriam” montage
- Someone drops the F-bomb in their acceptance speech
- You blissfully remember that Leo doesn’t have to sit through this shit anymore
- You can see a nominee die a little inside when their name isn’t called
- Shade is thrown at Donald Trump
- An acceptance speech is cut off by music
- A winner mentions their kids, then says, “now go to bed” — and everyone. fucking. laughs.
- Someone majorly fucks up a person’s name
- You’re reminded that Ryan Gosling is Canadian and subsequently feel pride
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