From The Cult: Where is the farthest anyone is campaigning?

From the Cult is The Ubyssey’s unofficial AMS Elections coverage. If you want real news, go over to the news section.

During the AMS Elections period, I walk into the Nest emotionally prepared for a barrage of campaign slogans and candidate headshots. This is different from when I walk into lecture, emotionally prepared for an hour and a half of learning and existential crisis. But this week, my 9:30 a.m. greeted me with a Bitly link to Will Shelling’s Facebook page and “Spencer Latu for AMS Prez” scrawled on the chalkboard. I had no idea I’d be confronted with student government before 10 a.m.

Who am I kidding? It’s AMS elections. Nowhere is safe.

Overwhelmed, I made my way from Buchanan to ANSO. I felt relief wash over me as I approached the bunker-like building. To gain admission to the building, one is required to trespass a main road. Given this inconvenience, I was confident this would be an AMS-free safe zone. But lo! The heavy wooden doors had hardly shut behind me before I locked eyes with Alex Okrainetz’s cartoon smiling at me from every bullet board.

The air of democracy and pressure of platforms began to bubble up around me. I had to leave. But where to? I power-walked to the nearest first year residence - Place Vanier. Surely the AMS candidates hadn’t bothered to petition the first years for votes. Upon entering the commonsblock, I saw two (!!) posters printed brightly on a bulletin board designated explicitly for AMS elections. Cole Evans and Lucia Liang had beat me to it. Democracy was alive and well. I made my escape, realising that going for the least bitter members and most disillusioned members of the student body may be an effective approach.

Candidate lawn posters are placed every five meters along Main Mall. It became so overwhelming that I was forced to deviate from my path and towards the Macleod Building. I stood patiently behind an engineering student who, most certainly sensing my anxiety, let me in. Here, I thought, here I am safe. Students of all faculties can’t find the time to vote, much less the engineers. But as I patrolled Macleod, the more campaign posters I saw.

Making my way towards Thunderbird Stadium, I was hopeful that my 20-minute trek would be more than worth it. Despite the fact that the Stadium may be the most school-spirited realm on campus, I was hopeful I would find it unscathed by Student Leadership. As I followed the varsity soccer players into the Stadium, there was not a poster to be found. I felt balanced and tranquil, knowing that I could return to Thunderbird after a day of campaigning for peace of mind.

In a haze of peacefulness, I continued to Wreck Beach. Despite the fact that Wreck is a hub for students, a quick scan of the beach and the bathrooms indicated to me that every one of the 500 steps I’d taken was worth it, seeing as it was devoid of posters. No candidate had thought to pitch their platforms to the nudists and sea lions.

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