Everyone looks forward to September at UBC because it means going back to those lectures and discussions we all love and cherish so dearly. I don’t know about you, but I really miss pretending to understand what’s going on in lectures — and, consequently, life in general.
While lectures can often be grueling in themselves, here are some things you can do to make class truly unbearable for your peers.
Snack during lectures
Sometimes you’re running late and take your meal to-go and there is nothing wrong with that. What gets annoying is you breaking out those really crunchy foods, like carrot sticks or chips. You may as well be chomping down on explosives. When you need to eat in class, soft foods are the best foods. Also, if your food is fragrant, consider eating it before or after class— noses get distracted too.
Be loud (but not proud because you’re irritating)
Unless you’re a professional whisperer, everyone can usually hear most of what you’re saying in lecture halls. So, when you’re arguing whether Ross and Rachel really were on a break, others around you can’t help but listen to you instead of the $500 lecture they paid for. So, respectfully, please shut up.
Ask questions just to hear your own voice
Probably the most annoying people in class are the ones who interrupt the lecture to ask a bunch of questions because they love hearing themselves speak. Asking a question can be vital to your understanding of the lecture, but when you ask what sized paper you should use for your assignment, it is a waste of time. Some of us are just here to learn, and while your voice may be beautiful, save it for office hours. Alternatively, you could actually just read the syllabus.
Spend all your time on social media
I know social media is addicting, but if you’re spending the entire class scrolling through Chrissy Teigen’s Instagram page, the entire row behind you is also scrolling through Chrissy Teigen’s Instagram page whether they want to be or not — especially if you’re on your laptop. And if you’re on your phone, it’s just plain rude to your professor if you’re staring at your crotch.
Take up all the discussion time
When a discussion is for participation marks and you decide to let out all your ideas in one breath, that only leaves me with the pitiful “I agree with you” addition to the conversation. Let others speak and share their ideas! Remember, a discussion involves listening too.
Fidget
Pen-tapping, leg-shaking or any other sort of fidgeting is already A-level annoying by itself. But if I have to share your table or sit in the same row as you, I’d rather not feel like I’m trying to survive my own personal earthquake.
Do anything other than take notes/pay attention to the professor
For some reason, you don’t want to listen or take notes today, so instead you watch the soccer match, a bunch of YouTube videos and play League of Legends. You’re not only distracted, but you’re distracting pretty much everyone behind you. You’re basically a distracted distractor.
Snore
I applaud the sleepers in class for their dedication to learning even though they’re taking notes with their eyes closed. But there’s nothing more distracting than an echoing snore and heavy breathing. Get some rest outside of class, buddy.
Show up sick and cough on everyone
There’s a special place in hell for people who bring their cold to class and don’t even try to cover their cough or sneeze. It’s really not hard to do. Whether you’re having a raspy coughing fit or a sneeze attack, lifting your elbow to your face will help the spreading of germs and human idiocy.
Show up late with a Starbucks in hand
The bus was late, traffic sucked, some shit happened, so you come full swing into class 20 minutes late, slamming the door behind you, saying “excuse me, pardon me” as you bump your way to the only seat left in the middle of class with a venti latte in hand — and you wonder why everyone’s staring?
Self-awareness is key to avoid being despised by an entire lecture hall. Be aware of the choices you make in class and please be considerate to the people around you. We all need to play a part in making lecture halls a better place to be.
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