I vividly recall my first day at UBC.
There I was, an excited 17-year-old, eagerly anticipating the college life I had seen in every movie ever. Sure, I was nervous, but excitement trumped everything. According to the wisdom of every adult ever, these were going to be the best four years of my life — the golden ticket to finding friends for life.
I had zero doubt in my mind that this was exactly how things would unfold for me. Making friends had never been a challenge for me, and I didn't think university would be any different. I soon found out how wrong I was.
During Jump Start, I spent three days inside my room, not even stepping out to eat at the dining hall. Why? I was embarrassed about sitting alone. This overwhelming concern about judgment and a fear of being perceived as someone who didn't have it all figured out.
After days I met up with a friend I had been chatting with on Instagram before landing in Canada and he introduced me to his roommate and a few friends. Soon, we became a small group. Not to be embarrassing but I was ecstatic — I really thought I had found my forever friends.
Things were good for a while. We did all the typical first-year stuff — going to frats and classes, sharing meals in the dining hall and sometimes (very rarely) studying together. But as time went on, a subtle shift occurred. No major incidents, but I couldn't ignore the fact that my feelings were changing. I found myself dreading our meetups, wrestling with social anxiety at every get-together, just a growing discomfort that made each interaction more challenging for me.
I soon realized that friendships require a solid foundation. A lack of common interests, shared goals, and values made it harder to connect with them. Eventually, the group went through a dramatic split (two of our friends were in a relationship — need I say more?). And even though I had been feeling uneasy for a while, it still broke my heart.
Losing friends is never easy but it hits differently in university. It's easy to fall into the hole of believing that you’ll forever be alone and that there is no way out of the loneliness.
Living in an era dominated by social media doesn't exactly make situations like this any easier, it’s too easy to compare your life to others. On those nights when I found myself sitting in my room and crying, it was hard seeing stories of people going out with their friends. It felt like everyone had effortlessly found their people and I was the only one struggling with this simple task of making friends.
After the group split, two of my friends from the group stayed in touch with me. It's true what they say — tough times reveal who your true friends are. Even though we weren't particularly close when we were part of the larger group, they stuck by me at my lowest. They stood up for me when I couldn't stand up for myself, and honestly, if not for them, I don't think I would still be here.
Now that I'm in my second year, my perspective on friendships has undergone a significant shift. I want to tell you first-years: it does get better. I know it's the most overused advice out there, but as time passed, I found it to be true.
I'm now living with the two girls who stuck by me, along with another girl, and they've become my lifelines. I don't know if we'll be friends forever but they make life better every day.
Sometimes, it just takes a bit of time and patience to find your people.
Share this article
