It all started just fine. You are back at your place and things take a more interesting turn. She is enjoying it and so are you. Little do you know there is a storm coming. It strikes like lightning, fast and sharp, in a scream: “Talk dirty to me in German!”
You freeze. She knows you have heard it, and now she is waiting for something to happen. An icy chill runs down your spine, your body temperature drops: she is not joking. And suddenly you realize several things.
First, you two should have taken a bit more time to know each other. You don't even speak German. Is she confusing you with that Bavarian friend who loudly introduced himself earlier at the party? Boy, that is awkward.
Second, you know you are terrible at this. You are a legitimate nice guy. You tried dirty talk once, with your last partner, but they just laughed it off and you resumed your sweet, gentle and considerate love-making -- because that is just who you are deep down, a big fluffy teddy bear.
More importantly, you have answer the imperious request, and fast. But how does a nice guy or a nice girl start talking dirty?
Dirty talk will certainly trash most codes of conduct that people observe in society, that is, unless a couple engages in “politically correct dirty talk,” which would be either hilarious or extremely boring, depending on whether the participants are serious or not.
A nice guy or nice girl will want to fall back on the classics. Adding “naughty” or “filthy” should work more often than not, while talking about punishment, bonding and crawling on the floor will turn on those who are into the kinkier activities.
Reference to the fauna of our beautiful world can also be surprisingly effective. Using the fierce strength of savannah predators should have more impact than referring to the marine world -- no one wants to hear the word “trout” in bed, trust me.
Finally, no matter what instincts kick in, don't apologize after sex (unless they really weren't ok with it). You were ridiculous anyway, but hopefully, you will be the only two who know it.
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