Communication is your main saviour here (duh). Concrete directions, like “a little softer” or “to the left” can be hot as hell. You’ve gotta be good at feedback to be good at sex.
If that’s an uncomfortable thought, think of feedback as a favour you do for your partner, whose goal should be to please you. Conversely, if the thought of receiving feedback makes you uncomfy, figure out where that comes from. In all probability, they’re doing it to improve the sex for them, not to make life difficult for you.
If verbal directions aren’t your thing, use touch: pleasure yourself and guide their hand over yours so they can feel what you’re doing.
If it’s all too much, switch. Go back to stuff that worked earlier, touch yourselves mutually, pause and order pizza, whatever works.
Katya Downey is the author of The Ubyssey’s “Positively Sex” column.
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