Day 1: Cool, it’s only been one day since I’ve had sex!
Day 7: What if I downloaded Tinder? That’d be hilarious.
Day 9: You know what? I don’t need Tinder. I have plenty of prospects. I’m good looking, smart and absolutely hilarious. Boy oh boy, do I love myself!
Day 10: Why is everyone on Tinder Irish?
Day 15: Why aren’t I getting matches?
Day 17: It’s definitely the algorithm.
Day 18: Or maybe it’s the Irish.
Day 19: Whatever, I hear Bumble is way better.
Day 26: It is not.
Day 34: Honestly? Most people my age aren’t even getting laid that much. I have friends who have been single for years and they’ve never complained about it. A month is nothing! Besides, I’m worth more than my sex life.
Day 60: Shit.
Day 73: I got drunk, re-downloaded Tinder and matched with someone I matched with before. This can only be going well, right?
Day 74: They matched with me explicitly to ask why I re-downloaded Tinder and then made fun of me.
Day 76: I am once again free from Tinder.
Day 84: A slight breeze is now the only thing needed to turn me on.
Day 95: You know what? I’m overblowing this.
Day 97: I don’t need a cheap hookup. I’m looking for genuine human connection.
Day 98: I mean, sex is a form of connection, technically.
Day 112: Maybe that girl was flirting with me? Shit, I should have asked for her number. Do I go back? No, must demonstrate abundance mentality. Plenty of fish in the sea!
Day 124: Overfishing has devastated our waters.
Day 134: My bus drove unusually fast today and I had blue balls for hours.
Day 142: I am prepared to fuck a tree.
Day 150. As the fifth month passed, I felt serenity come through my body. I realized that you and I are but tufts of grass being blown through the insanity of this world. I will not measure my value in the number of partners I have or whatever lifestyle the media projects onto me. I will take life as it goes and enjoy the moment for what it is.
Day 151: I’m re-downloading Tinder.
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