I was 10 years old when I got called “teacher’s pet” for the first time. Perplexed, I pushed my big square glasses up my small nose and asked, “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re a goody-two-shoes, and you can’t play with us.”
That afternoon, once recess was over, I realized that other kids looked at me differently. From a young age, I knew I loved to learn, and I knew I was good at it. My mother taught me to read when I was three years old. Every night we would curl up in my trundle bed and read Peter and Jane until I could recite my vowels and configure my consonants. When I started at elementary school, every day was an opportunity to fill my eager brain with as much knowledge as possible, excited to go home and tell my family everything I’d learned.
It had never occurred to me that other kids watched me raise my hand during lessons and thought, “Erin is such a know-it-all.”
Women and girls are the smartest people I have met in my life. Both academically and interpersonally, their empathy and willingness to learn is what makes them extremely well-rounded and attractive people. While feminine intelligence is romanticized and admired among women, it is often picked at and demeaned by the rest of society. Women can only be smart if they’re quiet about it.
Why are women expected to contain their intelligence? How many girls conceal their cleverness because they’re ashamed to show it off? How many young women face challenges in proving themselves to the academic world?
I was 14 when I decided to be quiet. My contributions in class declined and I concealed my excitement — my intelligence became my biggest secret. Kids at school thought my eagerness was obnoxious and overbearing. They thought I should learn a thing or two about humility, so I swore myself to silence.
I was desperate to escape the names that had followed me since I was 10. I didn’t want to be a “teacher’s pet” anymore — I wanted to be cool. Being smart was only cool if you pretended you weren’t, as if intelligence was meant to be a hidden talent. So, I pretended. I stayed quiet.
It was my first year of high school and I was standing in the smoke pit, a math textbook under my arm, when someone said, “Woah, you’re taking pre-calc?”
“Yes.” I stood like a deer in headlights.
Cigarette hanging from the corner of his lips, he snorted. “What are you, a know-it-all?”
Women are subjected to the restraints of societal expectations. Existing in a world dominated by the patriarchy makes it feel impossible to express femininity — things as simple as wearing a skirt, stating an opinion or choosing to carry your pre-calculus textbook results in being sexualized, interrupted and demeaned.
How many times do girls adjust their skirts throughout the day? Why don’t people listen to what a woman has to say? Am I really flaunting my good grades by carrying around a textbook?
I was 17 and quiet as a mouse. There were only 6 girls in the classroom, outnumbered by the 24 boys who were more interested in playing ball than paying attention. After I finished an exam first, I overheard someone call me an “English nerd.” Even though I’d heard the term a million times in my life, I couldn’t believe the hypocrisy of the boy who said it. He was top of our class! He had spunk, wit and was admirably smart. Everybody thought he was dedicated because he spent his afternoons polishing up papers. Nobody dared call him an “English nerd” or a “know-it-all” or a “teacher’s pet.”
Finally, I understood that being smart is cool — but only if you’re a guy. Often, boys are praised for their cleverness while girls are picked on for it. Boys can shout their intelligence from the rooftops while girls can only whisper.
As a teenager, I shied away from being too eager because I didn’t want to be overbearing. Cool girls are quiet girls. So many years of my academic life were wasted on abiding by society’s misogynistic double standard. Looking back now, I wish I could grab 13-year-old Erin by the shoulders and tell her that it is a privilege to be smart! Fuck being quiet!
Most of our patriarchal society cannot handle an educated woman. While male intelligence is inspiring, female intelligence is intimidating. A lot of people literally hate to see a girlboss winning!
Trying to keep my intelligence a secret for so long ended up pointless anyway, since my peers still called me names. At the end of the day, this teacher’s pet was the one who moved to the city to pursue an academic career.
I am now 18, and one of the incredibly intuitive, creative and extremely well-spoken women who attend UBC. It is so refreshing to attend a class with more than six girls in the room.
Embracing feminine intelligence creates a welcoming and inclusive environment — one that I am proud to be a part of. Romanticizing education is beautiful. Buying a pumpkin spice latte, touching up lip gloss and studying at the library until it’s dark outside are all fantastic parts of being a smart, productive and capable woman. Changing the societal narrative to empower eager young girls would help us feel more confident, ensuring a future of educated women.
To all the know-it-alls and nerds I walk past every day: embrace it. Shout it from the rooftops! Be proud to be intelligent and be even prouder to be a woman.
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