When you’re a woman, you can’t really separate yourself from your body.
Hide your tampon up your sleeve. Show enough skin, but don’t show off. The government might even make decisions about your body for you. Girls as young as 13 are using filters or altering their photos to appear skinnier, whiter, with smoother skin — all to be conventionally “prettier.”
When you’re in a woman’s body, society will never let you forget it. The intersection of femininity and bodies percolates into media, fashion, sports, mental health, politics and everything in between.
At UBC, students not only grapple with these pressures, but are curious about them too.
Dr. Kim Snowden, a professor and undergraduate chair of UBC’s gender, race, sexuality and social justice (GRSJ) program, teaches GRSJ 401: Gender, Body & Society, which addresses many of these ideas.
In an interview with The Ubyssey, she said the course draws a variety of students, and although it is not purposely focused on women, it often draws a lot of attention to femininity.
“There’s a lot of interest in thinking about the policing of certain bodies … or who is more prone to forms of discrimination that focus on the body,” said Snowden. “It does seem that at the centre of that is gender, and particularly women’s bodies, or those who identify as women [are] dealing with this more.”
Second-year media studies student Kaylee Ainsworth said societal expectations sometimes make it difficult to be content with femininity.
“It’s hard to feel satisfied all the time because there’s so much pressure to look, and even act a certain way, as a woman,” said Ainsworth.
These pressures manifest into what’s called the feminine ideal.
According to Snowden, the societal feminine ideal is thin and clean-shaven, with symmetrical features and nice hair. She also said Western conceptions of femininity, including a focus on white, cisgender and able-bodied people, have become the “universal ideal” because of media’s transnational nature.
“I think that particularly in media and culture, there tends to be a reproduction of a certain kind of body ideal,” she said. “Even in advertising that is pretending that it is for all bodies or all people … [they] very much fit an ideal of what a feminine beauty looks like.”
For example, in January, American Eagle’s sister brand, Aerie — which is known for its body positivity — posted about its seemingly inclusive swimwear lineup, but quickly garnered backlash for its lack of size, colour and ability diversity.
Influencers, such as @samyra on TikTok, find marketing for plus sizes to be reinforcing certain standards and ideals. As a plus-sized woman, Samyra has a series highlighting the struggle to find plus sizes (such as 1X, 2X or 3X) instead of just larger straight sizes (such as XL or XXL), especially in stores, not just online.
In one video, she went to Kohl’s — which does carry plus sizes on the rack — but noticed most of the options have phrases such as “slimming panel” or “puts the flat in flattering” on the tags.
“You tell us through the language of your other clothing offerings that we shouldn’t wear the bodycon dress, the crop top, the mini skirt, etc,” she wrote in the caption. “You teach us to be ashamed of our bodies.”
Snowden also pointed to an example of how the media seems to comment on women’s appearances — who they’re wearing, how long it took to get ready, why their body looks how it does — even if the interview or article isn’t about their bodies or fashion.
“Even those subtle engagements tell us something about what we should be looking at in that person, as opposed to what they’re saying, so that the appearance becomes standard,” she said.
The rising prevalence of social media has only increased those subtle engagements.
“What we’re seeing online and social media, I feel has created such an unrealistic expectation for what women should look like, especially with [the] culture of influencers.”
“Social media is such a big influence, and it’s so pervasive. It’s something we spend so much time on, and … our feeds are curated in [ways] that are showing the ideals of other people’s lives,” said Ainsworth.
A 2022 study found that images of other women on social media influence the expectations young girls have for how they should look. It further found that although adolescents might know photos are edited, it doesn’t stop them from making negative comparisons and striving to look like an “ideal.”
“We still buy into those things, right? And it’s hard not to, because we’re inundated with it,” said Snowden. “It’s just become normal in what we see.”
As influencers’ popularity rises, so do new body ideals and expectations. The “slim-thick” hourglass ideal, characterized by a slim waist and large breasts and butt, blew up thanks to celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez. When Kylie Jenner revealed she had lip fillers in 2015, worldwide searches for lip fillers went up 3,233 per cent, according to allure.
However, as trends change, wealthy celebrities have the ability to reverse procedures to fit the new ideal, while the average individual does not — creating unachievable norms.
“What we’re seeing online and social media, I feel has created such an unrealistic expectation for what women should look like, especially with [the] culture of influencers,” Ainsworth said.
But there is an opposite side to every coin — there has also been a recent rise in "body positivity" on social media. Influencers like Spencer Barbosa and Megan Jayne Crabbe are actively showing how bodies can be manipulated by light, clothing placement or posing, and are reinforcing what a “normal” body looks like. According to a 2021 study, these types of messages can increase body satisfaction in women.
Ainsworth shared how seeing media praising love handles is a positive experience, especially since the hourglass figure is placed on a pedestal.
“As someone who has very wavy hips, that’s pretty affirming to see,” they said.
Further unconscious messages like heteronormativity — the assumption that being straight is the default — also shape expectations and experiences of "ideal" femininity.
“The idea that ideal femininity is attached to a certain body type, which is attached to a certain kind of relationship, and this is reproduced consistently, even though we have divergence from that … that ideal is still there,” Snowden said.
Ainsworth agreed and said her feelings and presentations of femininity are influenced by romantic relationships.
“I feel like the pressure to outwardly express myself as feminine and as what I deem a woman to be a lot stronger when I’m in a heterosexual relationship,” they said. “But if it were up to me and I just dressed and presented myself the way that internally I feel like I would want to, I would definitely be dressing a lot more androgynously.”
Ainsworth said her presentation of feminine — baggier clothes and backwards hats — doesn’t have to do with low self-esteem.
“I don’t think my desire to cover up my body comes from a lack of feeling comfortable in it,” they said. “I think that’s what’s more comfortable, both in terms of how I want to present myself, but also in terms of physical comfort and clothing.”
Part of Ainsworth’s relationship with femininity also includes acknowledging how certain aspects of their body — such as her chest — tend to be seen first in the eyes of society and shifts that away from the core of their being.
“When I’m at a club and I’m wearing a revealing top, why is [my chest] the first thing that a man looks at?”
“Why do [my breasts] need to be central to my identity?”
Femininity ideals are closely connected to parts of women’s bodies linked to reproduction, such as breasts or uteruses. Snowden mentioned the expectation for pregnant people to lose their baby weight — that women must have children, but their body shouldn’t look like they did.
“So there’s this sense that it’s pitted, for me, against the idea that if you’re not like this, somehow you’re failing at how your body should look,” said Snowden. “You’re failing at being women, or you’re failing at being feminine, right?”
“Because I think a lot of ideal femininity narratives are tied up in things like motherhood, or they’re tied up in things that are perceived to be natural for women, which excludes so many people, and just isn’t realistic for how most people live.”
The concept of biological sex or hormones as a basis of femininity is often used by right-wing advocates to alienate individuals who don’t fit into the ideal. During the Paris 2024 Olympics, boxer Imane Khelif was scrutinized, being accused of “gender chicanery” because of how she dominated her quarter-final match. Also, Trans women face criticism for not being ‘real women’ because they don’t have the same experiences as women assigned female at birth.
For Ainsworth, all of these underlying messages reinforce that expressing femininity will always be tied to our physical bodies and society’s black-and-white perceptions of what a feminine body is and how it should be labelled.
“I also feel that no matter what I do or how I present or how I dress, people are always going to think of me as a woman, even if that’s not what I want them to perceive me as,” they said.
Despite these instances, there has been a shift in the definitions of what does or doesn’t constitute a woman or feminine body as the understandings of gender have expanded.
“I think … because we have a different understanding now of gender and sexuality, there is a pushback to what that idea of femininity looks like,” said Snowden.
For example, Billy Porter graced the 2019 Oscars red carpet in a tuxedo dress, changing the fashion game and opening up opportunities for other men to play with clothing without expectations of a coming out. Just a year later, Harry Styles was on the cover of Vogue in a dress.
“What I’m seeing [in class] is less of an inclination to assume that femininity means one thing and one thing only. We understand it in multiple different ways,” said Snowden.
"There’s this sense that it’s pitted, for me, against the idea that if you’re not like this, somehow you’re failing at how your body should look.”
Snowden said a lot of this understanding and defiance of typical femininity comes from more people having gender literacy — something that depends on who’s in power.
For example, Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” law prevents gender identity education under grade 8 and restricts reproductive health education until grade 12. In last month’s provincial election, the BC Conservative Party campaigned to end SOGI 123, the province’s sexual orientation and gender identity education program — which researchers have found keeps all kids safe.
Even though there has been a shift, Snowden said it’s not necessarily a shift in the overall ideal.
“I think what’s changed is how we push back against it, and what’s changed is the awareness of how things are manipulated to make us think that we should look a certain way,” she said.
Recent research studies have negatively linked social media usage and the need to conform to body ideals — we’re now more aware of how they make us feel. People are deconstructing the idea that Renée Zellweger was overweight in Bridget Jones’s Diary (because she wasn’t).
Outside of the media, people are pushing back against the idea that in order to be “feminine” they must conform to the ideal. More women are working in the trades and lifting weights. More women are choosing not to shave body hair. Gender neutral and gender fluid fashion is on the rise.
Femininity can’t be pinned down by pink bows or a snatched waist or whatever other gender norms there are because femininity is all of that and more. It’s a personalized understanding — and nobody can take that away.
“We have to hope that young people push past those things … so that we can continue to grow as a culture and push back from what is considered the norm,” said Snowden.
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