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If you’re feeling withdrawal from first week’s parties and looking for an excuse to get drunk in October, look no further than the legendary German tradition of Oktoberfest. Take it from me — a close relative of real Germans.

You have no excuse for saying you're too busy because they will be there for the whole day. Unless you have classes straight from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. or have a fear of blood or needles (totally understandable), try to make an effort to show up!

Practice your surprised face when all of your family, relatives and old classmates greet you at the airport with a large banner and balloons. You can’t let them know that this has been a recurrent daydream of yours since the second day of classes.

The event’s main goal is to raise awareness for the United Way while having fun. The race will take place in the Student Rec Centre at 12 p.m. All the pancakes, aprons and pans will be provided for the race and costumes are encouraged.

Did you see a fancy red car with a camera rigged to the hood on campus today? Did you stand and stare at it as you waited for a stunt driver to press the pedal to the medal? Yeah, me neither. William will be on campus filming for the next four days.

If you do somehow manage to avoid the awkward coughing fit in a silent 300-person lecture or the sneeze-fest that UBC becomes once the midway mark of September hits, just know that you are some sort of power-tripping specimen that deserves a medal.

A known fact about the Bookstore is that its prices are bigger than anything else on campus. Whispers of lower prices and better products in the dark underbelly of the retail community have always been discounted as rumours, but they aren’t.

Therapy dogs came to UBC last week! We got to catch up with some of them after the session. They offered superb advice such as, “It’s better to have sniffed a thousand doggy butts than to have never sniffed any doggy butts at all.”

Thou shalt not poo adjacent to an occupied stall. Thou shalt not poo when the minute hand is between 50 and 59. Thou shalt not poo in the Pharmaceutical Sciences building because they already have enough to handle without your mess.

Selling new/gently used clothing is one of the easiest and quickest ways to make money. Campus life makes it even easier than before, so you don’t have to lug your clothes in garbage bags to a consignment store.

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